In this episode of “5 Minutes,” Dr. Robert Svoboda explores grief from an Ayurvedic perspective and explains how this powerful emotion can become a process of transformation.
I am recording this during the middle of the COVID-19 pandemic, and of course grief is one of the emotions that everyone is experiencing. Sometimes it is intense grief for a friend or family member who has become very sick or has died from the virus. Sometimes it is grief from the tremendous disruption of everything that was familiar in our lives. Sometimes it is grief from the difficulty of meeting people we were accustomed to seeing and spending time with.
The Sanskrit word for grief is Shoka. It is an interesting word because you may have heard the word Ashoka, which means free from grief. The famous emperor Ashoka, who helped spread Buddhism throughout the world, was one of the great emperors of India. There is also an Ashoka tree, which is said to give no grief because it provides excellent shade.
The word Shoka comes from the root Shuc, which has several meanings. It can mean to purify, to burn with regret, to burn with brightness, and also to rot or putrefy. Sanskrit roots can carry several meanings, but these meanings need to connect together. In the case of Shuc, the connection seems to be the possibility of transformation.
When you experience grief, something that you identified as part of yourself is no longer present. Whatever that part of yourself may have been, there is now a space or emptiness. Sometimes you were not prepared for this change, and it brings up many things that have not yet been digested. Now those things need to be processed.
Even when grief arises after something that was already well understood, there can still be a deep feeling of emptiness and a desire to fill what has been lost. There can also be regret. The Sanskrit word for regret is Paschat Tapa, which means the burning fire that comes afterward.
Therefore, Shoka is very much connected with transformation. Fire always transforms, and that transformation can be extremely intense and direct. It is important to acknowledge that reality. Ayurveda recognizes Shoka as one of two emotions that can actively create Vata imbalance. The other is Bhaya, meaning fear.
Fear creates Vata imbalance by causing excessive movement and instability. Grief creates Vata imbalance by creating emptiness, what Ayurveda describes as Dhatu Kshaya Janya Vata Prakopa. A Dhatu is something that supports you. The tissues of the body are Dhatus because they provide support. When a Dhatu becomes Kshina, when it is reduced, weakened, or loses its substance, the body can have difficulty maintaining stability.
This loss of stability can make us uncertain about our foundations, and therefore we need to consciously create steadiness.
When experiencing grief, or when supporting someone who is grieving, stability is essential. An important way to prevent Vata from becoming aggravated, or to bring aggravated Vata back into balance, is to breathe calmly, evenly, regularly, and deeply. Keep your attention on your abdomen so that your breathing connects you with the earth element and the water element. Allow emotions to move through you rather than becoming stuck and creating further disturbance.
If someone you know is grieving, do not immediately make the situation about your own feelings or experiences. Instead, simply sit with them. Breathe with them. Let them know you are present. Do not try to impose anything upon them. Simply witness their pain, their reality, and their process of transformation.
By being present with another person in this way, you help them move from a state of depletion and suffering toward a state of reconnection, stability, and renewed ability to move into the future.