In this episode of “5 Minutes,” Dr. Robert Svoboda explores regret and how to understand and work with this powerful emotion.
The Sanskrit word for regret is paschat tapa. Paschat means afterwards, and in this context it also means west. Tapa means burning, related to tapas, which means heat. Therefore, from the Sanskrit and Ayurvedic perspective, regret is a burning emotion, something that broils, bakes, and burns the person experiencing it.
Regret occurs when someone has done something that should not have been done, or has failed to do something that should have been done. Ideally, we would prevent regret before it arises. One good way to do this is to avoid saying things that should not be said. But if you do say something that causes harm, then you should try to correct it as soon as possible.
Do not allow regret to remain. Do not allow it to linger and become something that begins to create a permanent obstacle, not only between you and another person, but especially within yourself.
When something happens that you later regret, it is not always easy to resolve it in retrospect. Sometimes it is possible to go back, acknowledge your mistake, recognize the harm that was caused, and try to repair what happened. But it is much easier to deal with these situations as soon as possible.
If there is a cause for regret and the situation involves something like death, where it is no longer possible to speak with or reconnect with that person, then the regret can become like a burning coal inside you, sometimes for many years.
Therefore, preventing regret is the best approach. But if regret does arise, then you need to request forgiveness. First, ask forgiveness from the universe. If the person involved is no longer physically present, their spirit still exists, and you can sincerely ask forgiveness from that person from the depth of your heart.
Ideally, this should be done while the person is still alive and available to you. But if that is no longer possible, you can still make that sincere request.
You also need to forgive what has been done to you. You need to forgive yourself for what you have done and what has happened. Then you need to try to make amends, whatever that may mean.
Ideally, those amends should be made while the person is still alive. If that is not possible, then find a way to make amends even after that person has gone.
Of course, there are also regrets about things that cannot truly be changed. For example, regretting that you did not travel abroad when you were younger may simply mean accepting that your life unfolded differently. You had a different path, and that is the reality you experienced.
One of the most common regrets people have near the end of life is: “I wish I had not listened to everyone telling me how I should live. I wish I had been willing to do the things I truly wanted to do.”
Hopefully, those are the good and meaningful things that a person wanted to do.
Therefore, live your life in a way that is ethical and aligned with your Dharma, but also allow yourself to do the things that are worthy of being done, the things that you would regret not doing when you look back at your life.